I was doing fantastically with my mostly veggie, small meal eating plan, and then I started feeling better. And I ate. And ate. And ate things I hadn't been and really have no business eating, in quantities I don't even want to acknowledge. I am sure I gained back some of the 14lb I lost. I may have gained it all back. I haven't checked because I already feel so bad about it that I don't need to add to the shame and guilt I feel. I know what I've done and I know what I need to do to get back on track.
I keep wanting to give myself a hard time for not working out. I've been having trouble getting up in the morning though, due to not sleeping well the night before. Part of the reason for poor sleep has been overeating. By evening, it's hot or raining and I'm very tired. And I'm still taking walks at work so I think for the moment, I'm doing what I can. Although I have several virtual races I'm signed up for and I still (always) have running goals, my main focus needs to be getting a handle on my eating.
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| 4 tomatoes from our "big beef" plant |
Yesterday I did much better in that area. I had some leftover sweet potato hash with a boiled egg for breakfast. I ate homemade turkey veggie soup for lunch, and had about a cup of blueberries and a small tomato in the afternoon. I'm trying not to snack, but I have been getting hungry after lunch and it's either bring some fruit and veg or end up buying a shame and regret filled pastry at the coffee bar around 2pm.
Today I brought a tomato sandwich on multigrain bread for breakfast, and I packed turkey soup for lunch and celery and a peach for the afternoon. Again, good choices. And that's it isn't it? They are choices. So many people battle their weight and self-esteem and health issues, and for many of us, when it comes down to it, we make choices that affect all of those things. Sunday, I was at my in-law's for a cookout. I made a choice to have a hamburger and a hot dog, and a very mayonnaise-y pasta salad. I felt bloated and sick and disgusting afterward and all night, even into the morning. That was a poor choice. Not only did I over eat, but I also ate things that I had decided my body doesn't need much of, if any at all. Now I choose to do better.
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| hot pepper jam |
Unfortunately, better doesn't really include the hot pepper jam I made on Friday. It was amazingly easy to do. 1/4 cup hot peppers, about 4 cups sweet peppers, with a higher ratio of red to green, some apple cider vinegar, lots of sugar, and pectin.
Never having made jam, I assumed it used gelatin. Nope. Then I didn't know what pectin was, even though I should (I'm smarter than that). About halfway through the process of making the jam was when I realized I needed pectin, so I had to stop everything and go to the store, where I spent about 10 minutes trying to figure out where they keep the pectin. My tip for you is- make sure you thoroughly read through the ingredients and directions before making something, do research if necessary, and make sure you have all ingredients on hand. We gave away 4 of the 6 jars of jam. It is DELICIOUS.
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| massacred tomato |
I currently have about 6 tomatoes, harvested from our "big beef" plant. However, there was one tomato that was larger than all the rest, which I was so looking forward to picking. I left it on the vine one more day to ripen more. The above is what I discovered when I went back out to pick it. I really hope that rat/rabbit/squirrel enjoyed that tomato.
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